Smells like Desperation

The summer after my freshman year of college my mom bought me a dating/relationship book that completely changed my life. The book entitled “Why Men Love Bitches” finally answered all those questions that had been racking up in my brain since I started dating. If you ever get the chance I highly recommend that you read it (it’ll give a lot better advice than I ever will). I seem to find that as young women we often come off as completely desperate, the book brought this to my attention. Be it our outfits or our attitudes, we buzz around available and sometimes unavailable men like vultures. If there is one thing I have learned living in a college town it is that guys love desperation, but they don’t want to put a ring on it. Why do we constantly seek out the attention of guys who only want us for one thing? Insecurity.

I can say without any doubt in my mind that my girl friends who have racked up the most notches on their belt are the ones with the most confidence issues, myself being somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. My best friend has always had the blessing of minimal daddy issues and enough confidence for half of north America and the girl has always gotten every guy she’s ever wanted.  Truth be told, guys can smell it from a mile away. You’ll notice it next time you’re out at the bar, it’s not always the girl in the low cut top or booty shorts (I happen to love a vintage pair of bum exposing high waisted jean shorts), it’s the girl with that look. She isn’t out to have a good time with her friends or just enjoy the social setting, she is on the hunt.

As women we believe that sex is our power. Like magically we’re going to be some goddess in the bedroom and every man we sleep with will swoon. Negative. Our power comes from withholding sex. My friends have always asked me how I roped in my current boyfriend, he has a reputation for being a bit of a playboy, and I always tell them the same thing; If you like his personality, don’t have sex with him.

No one is going to buy the whole ice cream truck if you’re giving away the popsicles for free. As young women, we know this! Yet we still find ourselves creating these little magical scenarios in our heads where the guy falls for us and we end up happily ever after. Well guess what, it usually most definitely never happens. Men want a chase. They want the girl who they think they can’t have. If you put yourself on a pedestal so will the guy, it’s not about being cocky, it’s about being confident in who you are as a young woman.

That average looking girl at the bar that all the guys are swooning over and you just can’t understand why? She’s just confident! Ditch the desperation and be that girl. I’m not saying you can’t have any fun but love yourself and appreciate who you are.
Hell, if you’re going to be a slut at least be a confident one. I can guarantee you’ll at least spend a lot less money on drinks.
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